His name appears on my phone, he is calling. I am nervous, it is my first time hearing his voice.
Ah, I think to myself, this is probably the sound of silk. This, this string of melody, has never trickled down the tips of my fingers before.
His eyes meet mine, he is walking towards me. I am exuberant, almost feverish. It is our first date together. Well, not date date — you know, millennium conventions, we ought to thread carefully on this whole relationship thing.
Ah, I say aloud, I never thought someone could make me laugh this incessantly. Suddenly, his eyes get lost in mine, and mine in his, and I see a pastel hue in his smile, and I realise I am drowning myself in the sound of his voice.
His skin wraps around mine, he hugs me tight. I am bawling in his embrace. I just ended a call with my parents and they aren’t too happy.
Ah, I wonder, I can do this relationship thing forever. He gets me, you know, he hears my thoughts. He is a mirror image of me, he reads me like an open book. His touch is warm, and I am galvanised by this warmth.
But then, his fingers suddenly wrap taught around my arm, his nails are digging into the surface of my skin. I am bawling, but this time, in his bathroom. We are arguing, but I am not so sure about that, I think I am losing.
Ah, I scream, please stop hurting me. He releases his grasp, my arms are blue. I am lost in his eyes, but I no longer see pastel hues: I see red, a brilliant crimson red. I do not see him, I do not know who that is, but I know I am sinking, deep down, into an abyss of his ire. What happened to the serenity of surfing across turquoise tidal waves that was his embrace? What happened to velvet voices and the silky melody that drowned me in infatuation? I don’t think I can do this relationship thing forever.
Ah, I have never wanted to tear down these whitewashed walls so badly before. They are pushing against my feet, I cannot run. Because he reads me like an open book; he sees through my frailties, my fatigue, my fears.
And I fear him.
Ah, I guess I’m stuck here for a while.
I swear, it all began with those Friday evenings, when his name always appeared on my phone.